i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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