She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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