I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
