Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
whose parrot is this?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I deserve this hangover.
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