I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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