how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
