Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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