it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i love accidental penises.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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