god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
