so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Randomize
