A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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