So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
