Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
