Nicole vs. Life
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
