Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
