just tell him i said nine months
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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