Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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