you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
