plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
