new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence