you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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