I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
