Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
