he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
