Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
