I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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