Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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