Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
