Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
