Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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