people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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