I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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