they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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