that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
