So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
