see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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