Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
