hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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