Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
