If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
