The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
