Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
