btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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