my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
