her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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