chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize