i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
