I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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