Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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