On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
