so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
