...so i touched it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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