I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
