i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
