If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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