I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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