the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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