Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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